In the 100's!!

The one on the left was july 13th and the other one is today

               I have been here before...... and I remember that feeling when I hit it the first time. Still feels good, and I never want to be in the 200's again. In the past 4 weeks I have been hitting the gym hard, and if I didn't make it to the gym I would run around my subdivision. I refuse to sit and not do anything...... because if I do, I will not lose the weight. I have to workout or I will not see a change on the scale.
            While I try not to focus on the number on the scale so much, I have turned my attention to the difference I see in the pictures. I love the changes I see. Collar bone, sculpted neck with no double chin, and mostly the fact that my arms aren't so bulky.  I will never have thin upper arms, but I can define them and make them better.
          Eating is still a challenge. I have the size of a 2 ounce stomach. I feel full just after a few bites. The bulk of my diet is in protein drinks and frequent meals. I know when I haven't consumed enough or if it has been to long since my last meal as I get dizzy or light headed. I also have to get in at least 64 ounces of water a day. I get it in as I refuse to become dehydrated. That makes me feel nauseous and not wanting to eat.  I rarely feel hungry. So I rely on my daily journal and my cues from my body.
              Vitamins are so important also.  I have to take 2 children's chewable with iron. Along with calcium with vitamin d. I am deficient in vitamin d. The nutritionist said that many obese people are because we can't absorb it like normal weight people. I know with losing over 30% of my body fat I hope that when they check me again this will no longer be the case.
               I see my general surgeon on the 8th of august and I am sure he will be pleased with the numbers on the scale. I was thrilled with the fact that I hit onderland that I went down to my nutritionist and share with her my accomplishment. I got a huge hug and she was happy for me as well.

                     I have a great time working out. I take pride in the moment and machine is an addition to the tool that has been given to me. I am very lucky and I know just how lucky I am . I will live each day and remind my self how different it could have been. I may struggle but at least I know I am still alive and here for the now and the future!

     Thank you for reading!!!

Close to ONEDERLAND!!!

          I wake up every morning and get dressed, brush hair, teeth, and head out the door for the daily grind of work. About 5 times a week I now add a few hours at night to the gym.  I love working out with my fellow sleeve friend Megan.  We get each other and have the same struggles that we have worked on overcoming. I work out harder with her for some reason.  So happy to share feelings and frustrations with someone who relates and understands.  I look forward to our workouts, but there are nights that I just want to stay in my recliner and vegg, but doing that got me over 200lbs again.  However when I am returning home from a kick ass workout I am invigorated and pumped full of energy. I have the music up and windows down and singing praise songs because I know I once again I did not stay in that chair. I GOT UP AND BURNED CALORIES.
         It is so funny how every day while driving I begin my next post in my head, but when I get in front of my laptop I forget it all. I have so much to share and say. So I am going to try to remember what I want to type out.
         I got new sneakers. Not a big deal for most, Right? Well about a week ago I thought I would go for a walk/run. I woke up the next morning in agony. Shin splints........Never under estimate the value of a good pair of running shoes. A few nights later I went to Academy and tried on several pairs of shoes. I finally got my decision down to a pair of hot pink and black saucony shoes. That night with the iphone buds in my ears, and my music playing I ran again.  The next morning.......no pain!!
I have ran 3 times this week. While I wish it was consistent running I am working on my pace, and endurance. It is tough and I am being to hard on myself.  Tonight my husband joined me and he gave me a little goal to work on over the course of the next 2 weeks. I should be able to run the full area where we live with out breaking to a walk pace. I am indeed up on the challenge. I should have asked what do I get if I accomplish it. But see, what I will get is the ability to run with out heavy breathing and feeling like I am gonna die. I will get the joy of being a runner. The joy of seeing my pounds fall off with every hit of my foot to the pavement. So while I won't receive anything like a gift, what I will get is a healthier body.
   

     
    Being so close to weighing in the 100's again is a great push for me. I want to be closer to a normal BMI.  If that means me working out hard and long..........sign me up. I will do it, and keep the past behind me as I lose each pound. Thank you for reading. If there are any readers.

                    

8 weeks post sleeve and going strong

   Today is the 4th of July, America's Independence Day. It is also a special day as I have lost 36lbs since May 1st. I feel wonderful and have my energy back. I am happier than I was but not back to what I was when I was so close to my goal weight with the lap band. While I am thrilled with my progress, in the back of my mind I worry that I will fail this too.
   I have a wonderful support group at the hospital I had my procedure at. I met a wonderful fellow sleever and we meet several times a week at the gym on post.
   If you have ever struggled with weight and the obsession of food.......then you know my life. I will never be cured of my perception of my body but I know that what looks back at me is reality and I have to make sure that I do not obsess about the my faults but praise over my accomplishments. It is something that takes time and not better in a few days, months but can take a long time to work on.
   I have a wonderful family support as well as a few who I work with that have a different weight loss surgeries. I thank GOD for placing them in my path to be support and references. GOD is good and he is my # 1 supporter.

                                            This picture was taken 5April, and 32 days before my surgery.

 

   My husband is my cheerleader. Especially when I do not want to go to the gym or work out. He has been patient and kind throughout my ups and downs. He does not know how much I need him to continue his overwhelming love and support.

April 5th 

                                                           Post op day 4 ( i think)

                                                          28 May

                                                                June 2nd

                                                                   Mid June

                                                             24 June

                                                                 29 June

                                                                    30 June

                                                              30 June


Here are some pictures of my progress. I have to keep reminding my self that this is a work in progress and as rome was not built in one day, I will not lose it in one day either.

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

      Hello all, it has been a very long time since my last post and I am going to update and catch up everyone. So, I lost my lap band sept 2011. It has been a very depressing ordeal, and I am still grieving over the loss of it.
       After moving to our new duty station and I began to work out with cross fit and then began working at the hospital here on post. Pound after pound would just add back on my body. I made an appointment with my doctor and she placed a consult for me to see the general surgeon. While there was only one who did WLS I had to wait for my time and I got my appointment and he and I talked about the best options for me. After the loss of the band, it was decided that I could not be a candidate for the band. Gastric sleeve was discussed and we both agreed that this was the surgery of choice.
    On may 8th, I will be going under the knife one more time and I will over come my weight issues with this WLS. While I can not fall on only the surgical procedure, I have a lot of work to do. I have been working out again. Zumba, and any other cardio I can do. Walking will be my big butt around for the first couple of weeks.
      Right now I am struggling with my first day on my liquid diet. I need at least 70 grams of protein and less than 30 grams of carbs. I got 94 grams of protein. I am hungry but I can not fail at this week as I need to shrink my liver so I can have the surgery.
       I am not proud I need another WLS. I am disappointed and feel like a failure. However, I am going to not fail and be a success story and be a healthy person again.

Fear of this being just a dream......

Lately, I have been worried about what the future holds. I see that I am holding steady, and losing now is slow because now it is all on exercise and keeping up with that. I have been going about 3 times a week, so I think that is a good thing. But I fear that a complication will develop and I will lose my band, and go back to that size I was. I have learned so much about dieting and working out, so I know I would give it a good fight, but still I am so scared that I will gain all I lost. I hope that this fear is normal as others have dealt with this feeling. I sometimes think I am going to wake up and this was all a dream too. I can't bare to think about what if I didn't do this life changing surgery...........It is to hard not to.

Now for some hopeful news. I have been talking to my nutritionist and told them about an idea. I would like to talk to the ones who are thinking about or in process of having WLS. I wish someone talked to me. I am not going to lecture but I want to show them some of the feelings, regret, and the empowerment they might feel. I also want to show them the pictures, and how much they are going to change and if they go home, like I did, they might no be recognized, and have to say hello and give people a few minutes to put 2 and 2 together. Well the girls loved it and it is in the works. I am going to write out what I would like to say. So I would like help about some of the feelings you might have had. Thats if you would like to share. If you have any ideas about what to talk about, or what might not be good to talk about. I just want to show them that there are so many different feelings, and that it is a process. Might not all deal with them personally, but good to know about them.

Thank you all for reading. I hope all of you are well.

"over weight" so my BMI says

2010.... this is my year. I will get to a normal BMI this year. I am taking my time, so don't worry, I am not going to do anything wrong or bad. I am 172. The last few dozen or so have been the hardest. So I am hitting the gym. It has been harder since my husband has deployed to Iraq, and am working full time, and being a mom of 4. So, I did what I could do at home. Actually walking up and down stairs, and house work can really work up a sweat.
My dear friend Becca told me that they have extended childcare hours at the gym, and well I have used them. It helps that I can get to the gym about and hour a night. Running/cardio, and some weight lifting has been good. My endorphins are up, and I am back to my renewed faith that I can do it.
I'm in a size 10 now. Nice to continue looking for new clothes, but I don't buy new. Thrift stores are my new friend. Its fun finding clothes, and I got some name brands too. I will buy new when I am done with the weight loss. I'm so proud of how far along I have gotten. It is good to see me evolve.

To my followers, some of you have told me that your reading. Thank you. It means a lot. Knowing that your reading helps me get through a rough day. Helping you going through the stages and the journey your embarking is just one thing that I wish I had when I started. So if there are any questions, or something that you would like me to write about, please let me know. I want to be a resource, or support on your road to a new you.
God Bless and you can do this too!

Running.......feeling of wind in your face

I know 2 in one day.......... but I took a jog tonight with Jedi. He is no runner by any means, but he is a dog, and he was so good to take along. Mind you he is passed out by the back door, I think I tuckered him out. But.............he came along. We did about 3/4 of a mile. Maybe 1 mile. I don't know. For me it isn't the amount........ it is the time its getting my heart rate up to burn calories. It is so freeing now to be jogging, and feeling the wind in my face. The weather is changing to fall, and so to run in the evening is a nice thrill!
I don't think I will ever be one of those runners you see everyday, but........I will try my hardest to!
Thanks for all of you and your comments. I am truely blessed to have you read my posts!

180's! So happy

Well, I saw my wonderful surgion a little over a week ago. He gave me a small adjustment, and so I am slowly moving in the downward direction again. I am really happy about that. I can't wait to not have to go on the scale again. Clothes, where can I start. I hate the fact that I have to wear bigger clothes. But I am not going to keep buying new. I am in about 11/12, or 12/14 depending on the make of the clothes. I am so glad to be in a normal size.
I am heading to go for a jog this morning. I think. I would love to jog with someone who get me going. I don't understand the "how to start". I hate getting out of breath, and I need someone to teach me. Hopefully soon.
Thanks all for reading!

numbers

Number mean a lot. Shoe sizes, grades for school, address for houses, and clothes. Well, since losing about 70lbs, I have dropped about 8 sizes. From a screaming 26 to a size 11/12. I can't remember when I was a 11/12.
Last night while bowling with my family, I noticed they have full lenght mirrors. I couldn't help look at my new doo, and shorts I bought yesterday. It is such a reverlation that I am the average looking person on the other side. I can't help but think what if I didn't do the lapband when I did. What would have looked like, or would I even be alive.
I am here!! I am thinner, and I for once can say, I LOOK GOOD!
here is my new shorts!! aren't they cute the first photo on here

and my new hair dooo is the 2nd one!!


thanks again for reading..........
more to come!!

Changing.........and looking in the past

Lately I have come in touch with old friends. Some that weren't so nice in the past, some that were great friends and had many fun times. I have noticed that the not so nice ones have changed. It was so nice to recieve a apology from one. I don't think you ever realize who you were in the past until you see who you are in the future. I know my weight was the cause of the redicule, and pain in my high school days.
I am so much happier now! I am glad to come back in touch with these people from my past. I have no bitter feelings towards them. We all grow up, move away, become wifes/husbands, parents, or focus on our careers. I am filled with great things in my life, and have people who are there. I have let my past go, and look forward to what the future holds!
I am going home in Dec to enjoy the holidays with family and friends. I can't wait to catch up with my friends from my high school days!

Onderland!!!

I have finally hit my biggest goal ever! I am in the 100's!
I am so happy and I am now only about 60lbs from my goal!
I can't remember the last time I weighed this weight.

I know that I am still over weight, but i have a BMI of 33, and my current weight today was 196.

I am making progress............it is possible!

Summer time, and new things

Ohhhh I love summer. The green grass, the flowers blooming, kids playing outside. Laughs of out door play.......splasing in the pool.............
It is a whole new world out there for me. I never liked the pool before. Gross bathing suits, and cover ups that were non to flattering. But because I am a mom of four, I can't say no to the kids.
So this year is different. I didn't need a new suit. Because my old ones fit perfectly. They are so nicer looking too now that I don't have spillage too.

I remember thinking about one thing that I never got to do as an adult.......... Shop in Victoria Secret. While doing some much needed shopping one day, I ventured in to the pink store. Oh the pretty bras and intamate apparel. I kindly asked one of the sales girls to fit me for a new bra. I did need a few, but I thought..........one from here will be fine. So she took her tape, and measured me 3 times. Gave me the measurement, and she proceded to look for my size. She hurried back with 4 different styles, and gave me her opinion on a few. I tried them all on, and made my selection. My day changed from ok to fantastic. After paying for my new purple bra, I made for the nearest bathroom to adone my new acquisition.......... I walked out and my hubby saw my smile. He knew that this was long awaited. It felt good to feel pretty underneith.
I wanted to walk around all day with no shirt on, and show it to the world, but that would be illegal in most states. So I walked around with my shoulders back, my head held high, and my breasts where they should be. That was enough to make my day so wonderful.

I am currently in a 14/16. I have never been able to fit that size since high school. Thrift stores have become my new fav place to shop because I refuse to spend full price on new clothes when I will need to only buy new one in about 15- 20 lbs again. So I find what I need, and donate the rest. I am so happy to feel this good.

I am still getting used to my new reflection.........but I am beginning to like her a lot. She is more confident, and happier. It's about time I feel like me again.

I am sorry I don't post alot. But with 4 kids, and getting ready for my darling husband to deploy again, I have no time. I want to spend as much time with the kids and him so we can hold on to the memories, and recall those later while he is gone. But I do have another post I am working on. I will work on that and get it out this week or the beginning of next.
Thanks all!

reflection

Who is that person staring back at me in my mirror. More defined features, pronounced cheekbones, collarbones................who is that person. Because while her features look familuar, I don't think I know her.
I find my self stairing at my reflection more. It was so hard in the past to look, and be positive about the person looking back. I didn't like her, and I was disappointed with how she looked.
I am told several times a day how wonderful I look. How did I do it? Ect. I am forward with my responce, and tell the truth. I had surgery. Never once have I got a negative comment. AS a matter of fact, I am sometimes asked, Can you help me? And I do!
I am more comfortable in my body now. There are areas that aren't so flattering and with time, exercize and some money, I will be the person beneith this extra skin. Hearing compliments from people is great. But honestly, what was so wrong with me in the past. Was I not the same person. Friendly, outgoing, the ball of sunshine I am! I haven't changed anything about my personality, maybe a little more confident, but physically I have changed for the better.
What I am trying to say is, that with change comes new views. I don't see my self yet, because I am still evolving. The changes that are taking place are great, but at the same time scary. I am proud with my accomplishments, and how I have adjusted to this new life. I call out my new victories...........they need to be treasured, and celebrated.
I hope that this reflection of my reflection helps. It is hard to write about how I am changing as it is happening. I am about 13lbs away from my first real goal. I will be 199. I haven't been that weight in a long time. It seems so close...........yet so far. One day at a time...........one pound at a time too!
Thank you for following my journey!

Work outs are............

So much different when you are lighter. I can stay on machines longer. I don't hurt........I look cute in work out clothes....LOL
But seriously......I have never felt better. I am so happy that I am cardioing, and working out.
If you ever are in Georgia......look me up!

Frustration........its a downer

There are days when I am so tired of the scale, counting foods, and just wish I was one of those naturally skinny people. You know the ones I am talking about, eat anything they want, don't have to exercise, complain about being so skinny.
I have probally not been as good as I can be...........but all in all I am following my rules.
I am happy with the weight loss, however, I wish it there was more lost.
I tell myself, Rome wasn't built in a day, and I didn't gain it all in one day. So I just regroup.......rethink........and adapt to my changes. I am thinner........healither........and definataly happier!
Some day I will look back and see how strong I am, and what a blob I looked like!
My children are so happy for me, and say such awesome things to keep me going.
I am keeping positive......!! I have to say when the scale don't budge..........I do get down, and I have to remember my own words!
I want to thank you all who follow my blog! It is so nice to see the comments, and I am very touched by the support. I love to post my feelings about this change of life. Each time I post a blog, and express my feelings.......it makes me feel so much better!
Thanks again!

Been so Long, please forgive me

It is now 5 months since my surgery. I have had my 2nd fill on the 13th of Feb. I am learning the ropes of how it is to eat all over again. Some foods that passed ok before, don't pass now. Getting sick was always the grossest thing for me, and sometimes I can't help it now.
I chew chew and chew.................because I don't want to have to deal with getting stuck. Oh I heard how painful that can be.

My family has been awesome. I can't believe that I am in a size 16 already. It feels good to slip them on and know I don't look 1/2 bad. Forgetting what I used to look like will not be hard, as I have pictures of me all over the place. I pray that my daughter never goes though this heart ache. I can't bare to imagine her being made fun of, and feeling like no one understands.

I am grateful I can put down my feelings, and express them to anyone who might be going through this themselves.

My prayers are with anyone making this decision. May you make the right one! God Bless

Platues suck!

So, we have all had our times where that scale won't budge. As much as I wanted to throw the scale out of the window, I didn't at all. I was ohhhh sooooo close.
Lately my work outs have gotten harder, and very long. Treadmill, ellipital, stairmaster, and then Jackies hard work out ever. The best thing I could have ever done..........and Jackie knows her stuff.
Eating has been so much better. I do get stressed but I have stopped thinking about food. I can't stand stress eating, and I am trying hard not to do it. I have done so well, and I have stress ate once. My house is sparkling though. Since I have not ate.......I clean. I didn't get a chance to get to the gym, but........ I think vaccuming, wiping down 2 bathrooms, sweeping, mopping, and a few other things.............That has to count for something, right??

I am so close to 30lbs lost, and that will be 1/4 of the way to my goal. How awesome right? For once in my life I am going to get to follow through. I am never giving up this change of life. I tried on a size 16 today........A size 16!! They were tight. But I closed them up!!
I don't think I have worn a 16 since 10th grade. That was when I was on the swim team and totally working out daily. So this was a big feat for me.

Thanks for reading, and if you can say a little prayer that this keeps getting easier and that I don't regress. I can't bare to go backwards.

Happy New year...... Welcome new me....!

Well this day marks the new year for me. I have so much to look forward to, and a lot to get ready for. My whole life will be flipped upside down this year. I have yet to go through a year of " getting ready". Let me explain.
This year my husband is going to be preparing for his 3rd deployment. I have not yet been through something like that. It is going to be a time of happiness, nervousness, and preparation. I am not a stranger to living as a single married mother of 4.
With the last deployment.......I got to be a good at a making things work. I was able to lose a lot of weight when he was gone last time. Darian has a way of getting bad food into the house. But being married to a soldier.........a little bad food isn't so bad.

Eating this year isn't going to be any different than last year. Just alot less. Portion control is something I learned with the Weight Watchers. I am using this with the lap band right now. It is very helpful and I can't live with out my scale and the frozen meals. I do cook alot for the family. I have a great WW cook book. It has great recipes, and I got some great reviews from family and friends. That makes me feel good because I know not only have I satisfied some stomachs, but also had fed them healthy.

Well I wish all of you a happy New year. I do wish you all well, health and many good wishes. If you are thinking about this life change........just email me. I know this decision isn't an easy one. It isn't one to be made lightly............ think about it!

My wonderful world.....!!

I have been trying to get back in to my routine.....
At least 4-5 times a week. With the holidays its kinda hard. But tonight....I did so good.
45 minutes on the treadmill, and 10 minutes on the stair master. Over 500 calories burned. I did about 50 crunches too.

Now, the thing that has made my life crazy is the fills. I think I am starting to feel restriction...... but again I am not sure. I am not hungry as much. I am following the nutritionist rules and having 6 small meals daily. It helps a lot. I get the reccommed amount of protein. I think that the hardest thing to is have faith in this band. I am slowly giving my self over to it. I will, I just have to not give in to the evil.............the bad food.
What is so hard is to say no. I did that tonight. My husband......bought not one but 2 boxes of pot of gold..... Now I can't believe he would do that to me, and bring chocolate in to our house. It is like giving drugs to an addict. I never felt so alone at that moment in time. I would have love to sank in bed........opened that box of candy and melt away. Taste that amazing gold, and have it roll around my mouth and savor every calorie. It is a high. So many times I would stop by my favorite place to eat. Pick up so much food, go home......eat and fall back like someone who just scored there fav drug, and just shot up. My drug is food.....
I can't go back to that..... I can't fall back in to those habits again.
I pray every night that I can have one more day of help.........One more day of strengh.
I am very proud with how far I have come. It is time for me now.......
I will get this demon away from me, and the skinny person will be freed!
Thanks for reading ya'll!

Where I have come from

so I have pretty much known all my life ( when I hit puberty) that I was going to have weight problems. My Parents both are over weight. Sadly mom is a yo-yo dieter. Dad knows that if he doesn't do something soon, he is going to have a heart attack, or worst yet.

When I started high school I tried out for varsity swim team. I made it and at my best health. I was really careful on what I ate, and I got regular excersize. I didn't letter, but I did enjoy the meets, and the team spirit.

AS you see my pic on the 1st blog, I was heavier! I was very careful this whole year.

This was me in May..... right before my husband got home from his deployment. I was at about my lightest.............

I was about 225! Yah still over 200 but I was 25lbs to my goal.

I gained a little back when we all got settled with husband back home. But I never gave up this fight.

I do hope by this time next year, I will be the size I hope for......a size healthy.

Thanks for reading!

Keri