Sunday, January 31, 2010

Fear of this being just a dream......

Lately, I have been worried about what the future holds. I see that I am holding steady, and losing now is slow because now it is all on exercise and keeping up with that. I have been going about 3 times a week, so I think that is a good thing. But I fear that a complication will develop and I will lose my band, and go back to that size I was. I have learned so much about dieting and working out, so I know I would give it a good fight, but still I am so scared that I will gain all I lost. I hope that this fear is normal as others have dealt with this feeling. I sometimes think I am going to wake up and this was all a dream too. I can't bare to think about what if I didn't do this life changing surgery...........It is to hard not to.

Now for some hopeful news. I have been talking to my nutritionist and told them about an idea. I would like to talk to the ones who are thinking about or in process of having WLS. I wish someone talked to me. I am not going to lecture but I want to show them some of the feelings, regret, and the empowerment they might feel. I also want to show them the pictures, and how much they are going to change and if they go home, like I did, they might no be recognized, and have to say hello and give people a few minutes to put 2 and 2 together. Well the girls loved it and it is in the works. I am going to write out what I would like to say. So I would like help about some of the feelings you might have had. Thats if you would like to share. If you have any ideas about what to talk about, or what might not be good to talk about. I just want to show them that there are so many different feelings, and that it is a process. Might not all deal with them personally, but good to know about them.

Thank you all for reading. I hope all of you are well.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"over weight" so my BMI says

2010.... this is my year. I will get to a normal BMI this year. I am taking my time, so don't worry, I am not going to do anything wrong or bad. I am 172. The last few dozen or so have been the hardest. So I am hitting the gym. It has been harder since my husband has deployed to Iraq, and am working full time, and being a mom of 4. So, I did what I could do at home. Actually walking up and down stairs, and house work can really work up a sweat.
My dear friend Becca told me that they have extended childcare hours at the gym, and well I have used them. It helps that I can get to the gym about and hour a night. Running/cardio, and some weight lifting has been good. My endorphins are up, and I am back to my renewed faith that I can do it.
I'm in a size 10 now. Nice to continue looking for new clothes, but I don't buy new. Thrift stores are my new friend. Its fun finding clothes, and I got some name brands too. I will buy new when I am done with the weight loss. I'm so proud of how far along I have gotten. It is good to see me evolve.

To my followers, some of you have told me that your reading. Thank you. It means a lot. Knowing that your reading helps me get through a rough day. Helping you going through the stages and the journey your embarking is just one thing that I wish I had when I started. So if there are any questions, or something that you would like me to write about, please let me know. I want to be a resource, or support on your road to a new you.
God Bless and you can do this too!